Tebow - The Slice for Today!

In case anyone wonders about Charger-Mom, I'm Charger "the Mom" not the mom of a Charger. But that question isn't likely to come up on a day when the Chargers fall to their demise at the hands of Bronco's best, Tebow.

Tebowing is a family event these days, as we take our bow before the Lord a humble and prayerful moment of Thanksgiving, revealing our favorite pose. Tebow rocks! I'm grateful to the man who made bowing in Praise of our Lord once again an acceptable behavior in the realms of football fans, the world over. Even in these days of religious turmoil, the "Tebow" act can be recognized the world over, as people take the pose.

Today, just for the sake of recognition... The Broncos BEAT the Chargers in a massive GAME Day win of 16 points over 13. And the world took the Tebow. Amen

A Grateful Heart

In the gulf stream of tears that flowed through my life this week, I found sustenance and peace. There are times when I know the flowing of tears is simply a river I must wade through to get to the greener pastures, sunrises and sunsets that fill my mountain view with color. The valleys can be forged, the rivers can be bridged, and the mountains can be climbed, but I cannot accomplish all at the same time. I have to live in the valley occasionally and maintain my view of the mountain.

Such is the reason, the purpose and the balance of living in a world created out of abundance for gratitude. My life is filled up with an abundance of blessings, I must remember to be grateful for all that I've been given.

The Red Dress

In the nightly scheme of survival, my daughter arrives home from work and reads Tricia Williford's blog. This isn't a bad thing, Tricia is a fellow writer and her blog posts are more often than not relevant to our lives. Tricia's husband Robb passed away in her arms on December 23, 2010. She's feeling the ultimate form of abandonment, not that he abandoned her, as that implies he left her of his own will. He did not. He was taken from her, by death; stolen right out of her arms in the bedroom they shared.

Her posts are relevant in our lives because both my daughter and I are divorced, abandoned to be single mothers. Whether that was our wish or not, our goal in life or not, never mattered, the other half of our respective marriages, left. The abandonment in our lives is so complete and yet... so unending. Each moment we're alive, we know that we weren't loved "enough."

That feeling of lacking love, lacking sustenance and understanding, of missing that which we were promised comes full circle as she reads Tricia's blog each night. Occasionally, Tricia's posts cross that line of definition between widowed and divorce to touch the defiance that a woman feels when she's left without a mate.

Such is the case with her post about a red dress.

No only does she share her heart and the feelings she felt when Robb took her out on special dates and she prepared to meet him as his loving and graceful wife, who dolled herself up to look attractive to him, but she shares the part of her that says, "I need to feel loved, appreciated and cared for by one man."  Every woman desires that feeling.

I remember talking to my mother a short while after Dad left as she worked around the yard wearing an old tattered and worn out t-shirt and jeans. She didn't care that she wasn't dressed attractively. It mattered not one whit to her... because nobody appreciated her dressing up anymore. I remembered that feeling and my heart ached for her. Still today, I remember that feeling. I felt it as I read Tricia's post tonight about her desire to wear the red dress.

I too, desire to wear the red dress. But more than wearing the red dress... I want that feeling of love and appreciation that goes with wearing the red dress.

I often dress up, fix my hair and doll up in my pretty clothes, but as a single woman with teenaged children, twenty something daughters and grandchildren, I'm far more likely to hear, "Why are you trying to dress up today?" than I am to hear how pretty I am. Even on the professional front, as I dress for work... there's no one who offers up the compliments, the admiration, and the appreciation for the time I took "extra" to get all dolled up and looking pretty. And it wouldn't really matter if they did, because at the end of the day... nobody loves me enough to be there - every night.

Sad, but true.

I want to be heard...

There are those moments when life just rolls around you like water in the ocean. You know you're there, but the water surrounds you in such a volatile way that you wonder if the ocean knows you're there.

Life sometimes surrounds me in the same way.

While I'm challenged by the world around me, forced to participate in the lives of the many, I wonder if anyone truly participates in my life. Am I heard? Do people notice that I'm here? Or... Do I simply blend into the woodwork, the wallpaper and the furniture?

As a writer, I view what I have to say as important, valuable and constructive. There's seldom a period of time that I'm not writing down words about something of some importance, at least to me. But, is any of it of importance to anyone else?

This isn't depression, it's simply a wondering about what truly matters. I've spent a lot of time helping others, giving to others, and making an effort to help others, both in writing, in person, and in gifts of money, time or other ways of helping... But, is it noticed?

Each year near Christmas I watch the movie, It's a Wonderful Life. Love that movie. It's amazing! It shows one man that he makes an incredible difference in the world around him and that he has changed the lives of many in his community.

Have I?

Have I made a difference in the world in which I live? Is there anyone out there who is better off because I'm here, because I've impacted their lives in some way? I've never saved anyone from drowning that I'm aware of... or from feeding a neighbor poison... or from a life of boredom as the town librarian? But... I hope I've made a difference.

I hope my life has stood for something, that I've made a difference, and that along through the years, I've impacted the lives of those around me in some positive manner.... And it would be nice to know that...

The Dating Game - Prolific Profiles

How do you write prolific profiles for the dating sites? The beginning of the process always starts out so simple, you just reveal a little bit about yourself and then leave it alone for a few days and see what's coming back your way. If you're lucky, you hit on something good the first time, and the first responses are viable. Then again, most often, the first responses are something you'd rather NOT see, and you're picking and choosing through the rubble of information, attempting to fine tune what you wrote to collect a better qualifying person.

Those first postings can often be too passive to grab the attention of the man you really want to attract. But, how do you fine tune who you are?

I'm a strong proponent of being yourself in the presentation. Don't embellish the truth, it's like posting an enhanced photo. Don't do it. Post the real you, and be yourself in all postings. You want someone who will love you where you are, acknowledging that you're a changing being, always evolving to meet the needs of life and family, but still YOU under all the change.

More often than not, there's no way for a possible "friend" to contact you, unless your "friend" picks up on the little hints you leave in your profile. If you're recognizable on the Internet, through google or some other search technique, he may be able to locate you through a profile "brand" or some word combination you leave as a hint, telling him about yourself. Using a personal brand to identify yourself may get you banned from the dating sites, if they catch you at it. Or, it may result in you actually being contacted by your "true love" if he's smart enough to find it.

Are you really interested in finding the right guy to date? When I started looking, the wrong guys kept finding me. They were awful. Always guys I'd never even meet in real life. Then I started meeting a few nicer guys, some who had something in common with me, and a few who actually had the same "likes and dislikes" I did with their own personality and interests. Those guys fascinated me. For a while I was pleasantly surprised by the "anticipation" of having someone new "like" me on the site. Then I realized few of them are members, and none of them are responding in any meaningful way.

This has to go a different direction or I'll never actually meet one of them. So, I changed my profile to include a few phrases where they might find me, if they really looked. Including a few hints as to where they might look. Book reviews, if you post reviews on Amazon, would give your "dating options" a good place to search out your profile and interests. You'd only have to write a book review about the book you say you're reading on the site. Then say you post reviews in your profile. Just don't say where... Most men can find a review on Amazon, or through Google Search Bars.

It's 2010 and the majority of men are computer literate enough to locate essential data via search engine.

My latest review on Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz are up on ACE Writers.

Wanna chat? Email me at jan@janverhoeff

If that's the best there is...

Recently, my daughter talked me in to posting a singles ad, because she has had excellent responses to her own ad. I giggled with her as I posted an ad, depicting not only my best qualities, but the real qualities that make me human. We not only had fun posting the ad, but also enjoyed the first few responses.

There was a wanna be immigrant, asking me to bring him to the USA and marry him. So NOT going to happen! Then there was another person from some far away land where English is not his first language, attempting to convince me he was an American working abroad. NOT. Another contact share his desire for an "older more experienced woman" and I noticed he quoted his age as 26. Ahem, my daughter isn't much younger than he is, and I'd never date anyone that young. And then a serious "suitor" happened past, and contacted me.

He drawled on the phone for two hours about how he hails from northern Texas and has a great job working for the state of Texas. I listened intently, way past the point where I realized I wasn't interested, just trying to be polite. When he started regaling me with his life history for the third time, I begged off, explaining that I had another call to make before it was too late. By that time, I'd already shared with him that I was searching for a more traditional relationship.

The next contestant, proclaimed himself to be a wealthy world traveler with multiple continental experiences. His phone conversation lasted all of five minutes. I decided I'd had enough of his boasting and simply hung up the phone. Polite responses had been rejected, so I figured he needed to hear the buzz of a dead line to stop his boasting.

Then the best of all, a cable television installer responded, explaining that he'd been sober for almost three months now and was looking for a good woman who wouldn't drive him back to drinking. (He laughed) I wasn't laughing. I excused myself from the call and got off the phone.

I went back to the site to remove my "ad" and shared with my daughter that if those were the best specimen the world offered, I'd remain single for the balance of my life. The worst part of the whole experience is that I know others who have had excellent responses from the same site. So, I have to take a serious look at what I was looking for and why those losers singled me out... Was it really the lack of good women in my age bracket?

Just wondering, because I know a lot of eligible women who would not be interested in any of those men.

Thanks, but... no thanks!

Expert Status - Gleaming Trophies Await my Stardom

Sean Mize is a friend among many. I've never met the man in person, but I admire him greatly. His climb to the top of the food chain implicates a strength I don't know that he has, and an expertise that I'm fully aware exists. When I asked him for assistance a few days back, on a whim, he responded with gentle reassurance. I know his knowledge is keen on target, and that he's accomplished something I dream one day of accomplishing as well.

Now, may not be that time.

Although I read his book and I'm applying the principles, I know there's a factor that isn't in my court. The desire to succeed is there, but for a reason I'm not certain the world understands. It's more than just success in the moment. For me, at this venture of my life, success that is sustainable and permanent is a requirement. It's a must have. I need the ability to survive no matter what the future holds, because my food chain is diminishing.

Early in life, I was taught the importance of family and friends. They've always been my stronghold, I knew they'd always be available to me, because I was a little squirt, cute as a button and everyone loved me. Then I began the process of growing up. There were relatives in my life who didn't give a horses petute about my life or what happened to me. They had their own worries to contend with, and theirs were always greater than mine. Friends slowly disappeared from view, as they grew older and left us alone without the needed hands to hold, hearts to cling to and shoulders to cry on.

Slowly, one by one the trophies of my life began to fade away. I wondered if I'd succeed at anything. Eventually, I realized that success didn't matter. I hadn't been born for success and stardom, at least not the kind that human minds conformed. I was destined to greater accommodations, my thrills would mold mountains, change worlds and calm seas. How did I know that the human bounds that surrounded my dreams as a child would not confine me as an adult?

the answer was easy...

I knew because I was a child of the King. He gave me greatness, bred it into every nodule of my DNA and carried it throughout his life to keep me safe and secure in the world where I was meant to grow, bear fruit and multiply as the Bible told me to do. I struggled, because I didn't know if I was doing the right thing or if I was going to be okay, through the struggles. But there on the cross, he hung for me, he got down off that tree and arose again, for me.

When I realized that my Savior had suffered the ultimate cost that I might have life everlasting and more abundant than any life I'd ever known, I knew. I knew that I was an expert, born to greatness. My life was a gleaming trophy of stardom awaiting the lights of recognition. In order to collect all that was mine, I merely needed to ask and the Lord would grant it unto me. I needed to seek that which I asked, expecting to find. And more than anything, once he provided for me, I needed to accept it with an open and grateful heart. My trophies are laid up...

Sean Mize is right, I am an expert. I've earned the trophies of greatness and my skills and talents are unnumbered. Thank you Sean, for pointing that out to me this week.