There are those moments when life just rolls around you like water in the ocean. You know you're there, but the water surrounds you in such a volatile way that you wonder if the ocean knows you're there.
Life sometimes surrounds me in the same way.
While I'm challenged by the world around me, forced to participate in the lives of the many, I wonder if anyone truly participates in my life. Am I heard? Do people notice that I'm here? Or... Do I simply blend into the woodwork, the wallpaper and the furniture?
As a writer, I view what I have to say as important, valuable and constructive. There's seldom a period of time that I'm not writing down words about something of some importance, at least to me. But, is any of it of importance to anyone else?
This isn't depression, it's simply a wondering about what truly matters. I've spent a lot of time helping others, giving to others, and making an effort to help others, both in writing, in person, and in gifts of money, time or other ways of helping... But, is it noticed?
Each year near Christmas I watch the movie, It's a Wonderful Life. Love that movie. It's amazing! It shows one man that he makes an incredible difference in the world around him and that he has changed the lives of many in his community.
Have I?
Have I made a difference in the world in which I live? Is there anyone out there who is better off because I'm here, because I've impacted their lives in some way? I've never saved anyone from drowning that I'm aware of... or from feeding a neighbor poison... or from a life of boredom as the town librarian? But... I hope I've made a difference.
I hope my life has stood for something, that I've made a difference, and that along through the years, I've impacted the lives of those around me in some positive manner.... And it would be nice to know that...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Dating Game - Prolific Profiles
How do you write prolific profiles for the dating sites? The beginning of the process always starts out so simple, you just reveal a little bit about yourself and then leave it alone for a few days and see what's coming back your way. If you're lucky, you hit on something good the first time, and the first responses are viable. Then again, most often, the first responses are something you'd rather NOT see, and you're picking and choosing through the rubble of information, attempting to fine tune what you wrote to collect a better qualifying person.
Those first postings can often be too passive to grab the attention of the man you really want to attract. But, how do you fine tune who you are?
I'm a strong proponent of being yourself in the presentation. Don't embellish the truth, it's like posting an enhanced photo. Don't do it. Post the real you, and be yourself in all postings. You want someone who will love you where you are, acknowledging that you're a changing being, always evolving to meet the needs of life and family, but still YOU under all the change.
More often than not, there's no way for a possible "friend" to contact you, unless your "friend" picks up on the little hints you leave in your profile. If you're recognizable on the Internet, through google or some other search technique, he may be able to locate you through a profile "brand" or some word combination you leave as a hint, telling him about yourself. Using a personal brand to identify yourself may get you banned from the dating sites, if they catch you at it. Or, it may result in you actually being contacted by your "true love" if he's smart enough to find it.
Are you really interested in finding the right guy to date? When I started looking, the wrong guys kept finding me. They were awful. Always guys I'd never even meet in real life. Then I started meeting a few nicer guys, some who had something in common with me, and a few who actually had the same "likes and dislikes" I did with their own personality and interests. Those guys fascinated me. For a while I was pleasantly surprised by the "anticipation" of having someone new "like" me on the site. Then I realized few of them are members, and none of them are responding in any meaningful way.
This has to go a different direction or I'll never actually meet one of them. So, I changed my profile to include a few phrases where they might find me, if they really looked. Including a few hints as to where they might look. Book reviews, if you post reviews on Amazon, would give your "dating options" a good place to search out your profile and interests. You'd only have to write a book review about the book you say you're reading on the site. Then say you post reviews in your profile. Just don't say where... Most men can find a review on Amazon, or through Google Search Bars.
It's 2010 and the majority of men are computer literate enough to locate essential data via search engine.
My latest review on Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz are up on ACE Writers.
Wanna chat? Email me at jan@janverhoeff
Those first postings can often be too passive to grab the attention of the man you really want to attract. But, how do you fine tune who you are?
I'm a strong proponent of being yourself in the presentation. Don't embellish the truth, it's like posting an enhanced photo. Don't do it. Post the real you, and be yourself in all postings. You want someone who will love you where you are, acknowledging that you're a changing being, always evolving to meet the needs of life and family, but still YOU under all the change.
More often than not, there's no way for a possible "friend" to contact you, unless your "friend" picks up on the little hints you leave in your profile. If you're recognizable on the Internet, through google or some other search technique, he may be able to locate you through a profile "brand" or some word combination you leave as a hint, telling him about yourself. Using a personal brand to identify yourself may get you banned from the dating sites, if they catch you at it. Or, it may result in you actually being contacted by your "true love" if he's smart enough to find it.
Are you really interested in finding the right guy to date? When I started looking, the wrong guys kept finding me. They were awful. Always guys I'd never even meet in real life. Then I started meeting a few nicer guys, some who had something in common with me, and a few who actually had the same "likes and dislikes" I did with their own personality and interests. Those guys fascinated me. For a while I was pleasantly surprised by the "anticipation" of having someone new "like" me on the site. Then I realized few of them are members, and none of them are responding in any meaningful way.
This has to go a different direction or I'll never actually meet one of them. So, I changed my profile to include a few phrases where they might find me, if they really looked. Including a few hints as to where they might look. Book reviews, if you post reviews on Amazon, would give your "dating options" a good place to search out your profile and interests. You'd only have to write a book review about the book you say you're reading on the site. Then say you post reviews in your profile. Just don't say where... Most men can find a review on Amazon, or through Google Search Bars.
It's 2010 and the majority of men are computer literate enough to locate essential data via search engine.
My latest review on Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz are up on ACE Writers.
Wanna chat? Email me at jan@janverhoeff
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
If that's the best there is...
Recently, my daughter talked me in to posting a singles ad, because she has had excellent responses to her own ad. I giggled with her as I posted an ad, depicting not only my best qualities, but the real qualities that make me human. We not only had fun posting the ad, but also enjoyed the first few responses.
There was a wanna be immigrant, asking me to bring him to the USA and marry him. So NOT going to happen! Then there was another person from some far away land where English is not his first language, attempting to convince me he was an American working abroad. NOT. Another contact share his desire for an "older more experienced woman" and I noticed he quoted his age as 26. Ahem, my daughter isn't much younger than he is, and I'd never date anyone that young. And then a serious "suitor" happened past, and contacted me.
He drawled on the phone for two hours about how he hails from northern Texas and has a great job working for the state of Texas. I listened intently, way past the point where I realized I wasn't interested, just trying to be polite. When he started regaling me with his life history for the third time, I begged off, explaining that I had another call to make before it was too late. By that time, I'd already shared with him that I was searching for a more traditional relationship.
The next contestant, proclaimed himself to be a wealthy world traveler with multiple continental experiences. His phone conversation lasted all of five minutes. I decided I'd had enough of his boasting and simply hung up the phone. Polite responses had been rejected, so I figured he needed to hear the buzz of a dead line to stop his boasting.
Then the best of all, a cable television installer responded, explaining that he'd been sober for almost three months now and was looking for a good woman who wouldn't drive him back to drinking. (He laughed) I wasn't laughing. I excused myself from the call and got off the phone.
I went back to the site to remove my "ad" and shared with my daughter that if those were the best specimen the world offered, I'd remain single for the balance of my life. The worst part of the whole experience is that I know others who have had excellent responses from the same site. So, I have to take a serious look at what I was looking for and why those losers singled me out... Was it really the lack of good women in my age bracket?
Just wondering, because I know a lot of eligible women who would not be interested in any of those men.
Thanks, but... no thanks!
There was a wanna be immigrant, asking me to bring him to the USA and marry him. So NOT going to happen! Then there was another person from some far away land where English is not his first language, attempting to convince me he was an American working abroad. NOT. Another contact share his desire for an "older more experienced woman" and I noticed he quoted his age as 26. Ahem, my daughter isn't much younger than he is, and I'd never date anyone that young. And then a serious "suitor" happened past, and contacted me.
He drawled on the phone for two hours about how he hails from northern Texas and has a great job working for the state of Texas. I listened intently, way past the point where I realized I wasn't interested, just trying to be polite. When he started regaling me with his life history for the third time, I begged off, explaining that I had another call to make before it was too late. By that time, I'd already shared with him that I was searching for a more traditional relationship.
The next contestant, proclaimed himself to be a wealthy world traveler with multiple continental experiences. His phone conversation lasted all of five minutes. I decided I'd had enough of his boasting and simply hung up the phone. Polite responses had been rejected, so I figured he needed to hear the buzz of a dead line to stop his boasting.
Then the best of all, a cable television installer responded, explaining that he'd been sober for almost three months now and was looking for a good woman who wouldn't drive him back to drinking. (He laughed) I wasn't laughing. I excused myself from the call and got off the phone.
I went back to the site to remove my "ad" and shared with my daughter that if those were the best specimen the world offered, I'd remain single for the balance of my life. The worst part of the whole experience is that I know others who have had excellent responses from the same site. So, I have to take a serious look at what I was looking for and why those losers singled me out... Was it really the lack of good women in my age bracket?
Just wondering, because I know a lot of eligible women who would not be interested in any of those men.
Thanks, but... no thanks!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Expert Status - Gleaming Trophies Await my Stardom
Sean Mize is a friend among many. I've never met the man in person, but I admire him greatly. His climb to the top of the food chain implicates a strength I don't know that he has, and an expertise that I'm fully aware exists. When I asked him for assistance a few days back, on a whim, he responded with gentle reassurance. I know his knowledge is keen on target, and that he's accomplished something I dream one day of accomplishing as well.
Now, may not be that time.
Although I read his book and I'm applying the principles, I know there's a factor that isn't in my court. The desire to succeed is there, but for a reason I'm not certain the world understands. It's more than just success in the moment. For me, at this venture of my life, success that is sustainable and permanent is a requirement. It's a must have. I need the ability to survive no matter what the future holds, because my food chain is diminishing.
Early in life, I was taught the importance of family and friends. They've always been my stronghold, I knew they'd always be available to me, because I was a little squirt, cute as a button and everyone loved me. Then I began the process of growing up. There were relatives in my life who didn't give a horses petute about my life or what happened to me. They had their own worries to contend with, and theirs were always greater than mine. Friends slowly disappeared from view, as they grew older and left us alone without the needed hands to hold, hearts to cling to and shoulders to cry on.
Slowly, one by one the trophies of my life began to fade away. I wondered if I'd succeed at anything. Eventually, I realized that success didn't matter. I hadn't been born for success and stardom, at least not the kind that human minds conformed. I was destined to greater accommodations, my thrills would mold mountains, change worlds and calm seas. How did I know that the human bounds that surrounded my dreams as a child would not confine me as an adult?
the answer was easy...
I knew because I was a child of the King. He gave me greatness, bred it into every nodule of my DNA and carried it throughout his life to keep me safe and secure in the world where I was meant to grow, bear fruit and multiply as the Bible told me to do. I struggled, because I didn't know if I was doing the right thing or if I was going to be okay, through the struggles. But there on the cross, he hung for me, he got down off that tree and arose again, for me.
When I realized that my Savior had suffered the ultimate cost that I might have life everlasting and more abundant than any life I'd ever known, I knew. I knew that I was an expert, born to greatness. My life was a gleaming trophy of stardom awaiting the lights of recognition. In order to collect all that was mine, I merely needed to ask and the Lord would grant it unto me. I needed to seek that which I asked, expecting to find. And more than anything, once he provided for me, I needed to accept it with an open and grateful heart. My trophies are laid up...
Sean Mize is right, I am an expert. I've earned the trophies of greatness and my skills and talents are unnumbered. Thank you Sean, for pointing that out to me this week.
Now, may not be that time.
Although I read his book and I'm applying the principles, I know there's a factor that isn't in my court. The desire to succeed is there, but for a reason I'm not certain the world understands. It's more than just success in the moment. For me, at this venture of my life, success that is sustainable and permanent is a requirement. It's a must have. I need the ability to survive no matter what the future holds, because my food chain is diminishing.
Early in life, I was taught the importance of family and friends. They've always been my stronghold, I knew they'd always be available to me, because I was a little squirt, cute as a button and everyone loved me. Then I began the process of growing up. There were relatives in my life who didn't give a horses petute about my life or what happened to me. They had their own worries to contend with, and theirs were always greater than mine. Friends slowly disappeared from view, as they grew older and left us alone without the needed hands to hold, hearts to cling to and shoulders to cry on.
Slowly, one by one the trophies of my life began to fade away. I wondered if I'd succeed at anything. Eventually, I realized that success didn't matter. I hadn't been born for success and stardom, at least not the kind that human minds conformed. I was destined to greater accommodations, my thrills would mold mountains, change worlds and calm seas. How did I know that the human bounds that surrounded my dreams as a child would not confine me as an adult?
the answer was easy...
I knew because I was a child of the King. He gave me greatness, bred it into every nodule of my DNA and carried it throughout his life to keep me safe and secure in the world where I was meant to grow, bear fruit and multiply as the Bible told me to do. I struggled, because I didn't know if I was doing the right thing or if I was going to be okay, through the struggles. But there on the cross, he hung for me, he got down off that tree and arose again, for me.
When I realized that my Savior had suffered the ultimate cost that I might have life everlasting and more abundant than any life I'd ever known, I knew. I knew that I was an expert, born to greatness. My life was a gleaming trophy of stardom awaiting the lights of recognition. In order to collect all that was mine, I merely needed to ask and the Lord would grant it unto me. I needed to seek that which I asked, expecting to find. And more than anything, once he provided for me, I needed to accept it with an open and grateful heart. My trophies are laid up...
Sean Mize is right, I am an expert. I've earned the trophies of greatness and my skills and talents are unnumbered. Thank you Sean, for pointing that out to me this week.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Charger Mom - Football Season
It's that time of year again and football season is in full on attack, one kid is fighting a cold, two more are fighting for the privilege of attending the game and another one just wants to be held. Great Gramma is begging for attention while my daughter and I chase around, wishing we had time to give attention to anything other than everyone else. Life at our house continues, rampant with dogged remarks, rushed moments and harried phrases that need finishing.Did you ever feel like you were on a treadmill going just a half a mile faster than you could run?
When I realized a few weeks back that I'd be taking care of my mom for a while, I thought it might be nice to incorporate a few special "moments" in that care taking time. It may have been possible for the first few days, but shortly after, those moments became a random thought exclusive of ignorance. As we rushed from Doctor place to Doctor place, I realized the likeness of "special" was missing.
So... lacking the ability to forget about my desire to make this time special, I stopped by my Dad's place and invited him and my nephew and his family to dinner. The world stopped turning for an hours worth of minutes as we attempted to eat at a family favorite diner. My mother's favorite place to go for food, costs an arm, two legs, a kidney and half a lung for a meal, when she eats less than two ounces and can't keep any of it down. But, paying it becomes a privilege, when I realize any monumental bite she takes may be her last.
A trivial moment in time for the average person, but this moment in time is precious, as my mother struggles to eat just one more bite of food. Then it occurred to me, during that meal. No matter how trivial, each moment we spend with mom... now, is special, because it may be the last one we have the privilege of spending with her.
Football season came in with such a rush of "to-dos" that I barely recognized the colors changing on the trees. The season was headlong into full force before I realized that if I leave the windows open, I can hear the boys practicing football on the field just south of the house. I've always loved listening to their "heave" and "lunges" as they cheer the boys of fall in their favorite sport. Football.
Am I a charger-mom? No, I'm not the mother of a prized football player, my boys chose not to play the autumn sport, but rather instead to run the courses in other sports. I am however a mom who charges in where angels fear to tread when the need arises, toting another barge, carrying my light high to light the world, and daring on the last moment to make a difference in the lives of teenagers, young adults and children everywhere. A life well lived is one that moves through each day, dedicated to the decision to live well, under any circumstances and find the happiness that comes with each moment, no matter how difficult the moment maybe.
I'm the mom in the checkout line spending my last dollar on toilet paper, smiling. Because I know that God is aware that's my last dollar, and he'll send me another when I need it. ;)
Friday, August 20, 2010
Daring Karma Follows
On those days when you look around and see chaos in your wake, step back and reflect on the recent past. Have you missed a step?
Today started out much like any other day - a bit disorganized (we're moving), but otherwise well planned and intact. Then the chaos started. Not just a little chaos, but mass chaos with crazy events connecting dots I didn't know existed. Life took turns onto roads that hadn't even been there earlier and I was forced to sit on the side lines and watch as life fell apart before my eyes.
After much wonder, I prayed for rain.
Rain is my "solution". When life is going awry, I ask for rain. It washes away the "karma" and allows peace to fill me up again. The clouds were gathering on the horizon but only a few sprinkles fell. Eventually, a downpour came, washing away the chaos and allowing in the blessings.
By the time we got home the chaos had disappeared and peace filled its place. Life was sane again for a moment. The world took on a soft glow with sparks of lightning and rolls of thunder. I looked around at the love surrounding me and realized that the chaos had been simply a distraction. Life, the one that I'd stepped out of, continued on in step with time, and in God's protection.
My prayer of gratitude was delayed... But now I pray in gratitude for all things wonderful and plenty in my life. May God bless your days, and nights with love.
Today started out much like any other day - a bit disorganized (we're moving), but otherwise well planned and intact. Then the chaos started. Not just a little chaos, but mass chaos with crazy events connecting dots I didn't know existed. Life took turns onto roads that hadn't even been there earlier and I was forced to sit on the side lines and watch as life fell apart before my eyes.
After much wonder, I prayed for rain.
Rain is my "solution". When life is going awry, I ask for rain. It washes away the "karma" and allows peace to fill me up again. The clouds were gathering on the horizon but only a few sprinkles fell. Eventually, a downpour came, washing away the chaos and allowing in the blessings.
By the time we got home the chaos had disappeared and peace filled its place. Life was sane again for a moment. The world took on a soft glow with sparks of lightning and rolls of thunder. I looked around at the love surrounding me and realized that the chaos had been simply a distraction. Life, the one that I'd stepped out of, continued on in step with time, and in God's protection.
My prayer of gratitude was delayed... But now I pray in gratitude for all things wonderful and plenty in my life. May God bless your days, and nights with love.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Interesting Comments...
I stopped by to visit my blog this morning, thinking how interesting it's been that I have had so many comments on my posts. Trouble is, I can't read them and neither can most other bloggers here in the states at least. The comments are written in Japanese or Chinese, not even sure which language, because I can't tell them apart.
Please comment in English, so I can read what you have to say.
Please comment in English, so I can read what you have to say.
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