Art -- Paintings by Jan Verhoeff

Passing on the Legacy - Learning to Live with Fame

Standing beside a man whose name is a household word at a funeral may not make you famous, but it gives you a sense of the familiar. Not so long ago, I held the hand of a friend who had dared to redress his popularity and hide among the multitudes in plain sight of the press. We'd attended the funeral of a dear friend, with press cameras popping, microphones stuck in our faces and the daring young journalists attempting to capture the essence of fame in tears.

He stood quietly, ignoring the cameras, ignoring the microphones, and paying no attention to agents of the press who attempted to smother him.

Later in the quiet stillness of a darkening night, I felt his hand on my shoulder and held him in my arms as he cried. No tears had been shed earlier, and I knew --- his silence had been intended for the press. Strength of character dominated his stature in public, but his strength left him unguarded in the quiet hours.

His legacy is passing, but the man stands strong. How could he live with the fame that stole his identity, placed him on a stage through the wee hours of the morning, and left him stressed and overburdened through the rest of the day. He lingered in that safe quiet stillness, hanging on to my shoulder. Sanity, all wrapped up in the significance of silence and tears... We held on to the memory of days and years passed by, when fame didn't shadow his every step and the person who filled his shoes wasn't the most sought after celebrity on the evening news.

The moment passed and he rode away on his great white horse (a stretch limousine with a driver) as I stood waving into the moonlight. A coyote howled in the distance, a bat flew through the moon rays and life continued on, one more moment after another, until the dawn arrived, with fingers of light spilling over the hillside and tear drops dried on my shoulder.

Tonight, with tear filled eyes, I remember... God bless you, my friend.

Charger Mom Takes on the Political Machine

Just what I always wanted to do --- take on the political machine. Not only do I get involved in a campaign, working my buns off to get a candidate elected for U.S. Senate, but I manage to get myself involved in political discussions that go on for days, bickering with liberals who probably don't even vote. The real issue isn't the current administration, it's their guilt over making no choices and taking no stand against the liberal political machine that had determined themselves to be dictators that are taking us down a long road to no freedom, no liberty and no rights.

Is it a waste of my time or is it simply more of a side track to the edge of freedom. I don't want to let go and leave this alone. I don't want a dictator in Washington D.C. A few nights ago, I listened to Mike Huckabee tell his audience if they didn't want to live under current leaders they should run for office themselves. Or take a different tact, support the candidate they can get behind with funding. Either way works. But I don't have a lot of cash to put behind my candidate. So... I've chosen to support him with time and effort.

So, will I run, ever... Maybe. But not this year. This year, I'm satisfied to support a winning candidate and make it happen for him, so we can take back our country. Bring back our freedoms, and live FREE the way we were meant to live with liberties guaranteed by our Constitution.

We are born equal, given the freedom and liberty God created us for and we have the ability to bring back all the power and control to the people. The election in 2010 will make a difference. The people have the ability to bring it back. Because we the people have God. We trust and we believe in God, the father, the foundation of this nation.

Why am I a "Charger" Mom?

This morning, like many mornings, my daughter is reading over my shoulder and asks a question about the language used in my blog post... The big question today, "Why are you a Charger Mom? They are like our biggest rivals and I hate the Chargers."

Ahem, I'm definitely a Denver Bronco's fan too, but the reality is, Charger Mom has nothing to do with the Chargers football team. Oris George, after an extremely hectic meeting and week of writing, saddled me with the nickname "Charger". Well, it stuck. A few weeks later, I was working with another writer to create a blogger site and the easiest way to do that is to create a blog. I have to say, I enjoy my mommy blogs, so Charger Mom came out of that experience.

So if you're searching online for a mom of a member of the Chargers Football team... Um... I'm not it.

Pregnant Sisters - the Joys and the Triumphs

Watching daughters share the joys and triumphs of pregnancy gives new meaning to parenthood. Just this morning we discussed what we call little boys.

My granddaughter is a Princess, Little Missy, Chica (okay, not often), Girly, Sassy, Sissy and Goose. My grandson on the other hand is Mr., Little Man, Big Boy, Mr. Colm (since Colm is his name), and The Mr. --- not to mention, Mr. Moose.

Rarely do we refer to Elizabeth as Miss Elizabeth, although it does happen on occasion. But, Colm often hears his name as Mr. Colm. Is it really a boy/girl thing, or just the process of giving children nick names?

What ever happened to Prince Charming or Handsome Little Prince?

As the days come closer, and we anticipate the arrival of Colm and Elizabeth's little cousin --- whether he's a Mr. or she's a Miss ---- the discussions surrounding babies, pregnant mommies and parenting abound. We all have a new little nickname for the baby, and some of those have been, Little Hummer, "The Basketball", or Baby Bump. No matter what we call the next arrival, you can be assured that this Charger Mom can hardly wait for another grandbaby to set the world on fire.

Abandoned - Feeling as Though You Were Left Behind

Life changes and personal decisions are often made between husbands and wives, sometimes disregarding the other's feelings in the matter. It is unintentional that one leaves the other out, in most cases. As one person does something for themselves, they feel as if they are doing it for both, but rarely is it a case of the second feeling as if the act was for them. More often, the other person feels as if they were left out of the decision if not the action. Life boils down to doing what is necessary for ourselves and sometimes that means abandoning another... Sometimes the abandonment is complete and eternal, other times it's a temporary separation.

If you're the one taking off for wild blue yonder, you may think the other person is being selfish, when in fact, they're missing you.

Feeling abandoned isn't selfish, it's a real, whole feeling that you're allowed to experience and express. Accepting the feelings and moving through them to gain control of a situation helps to gain access to the more pressing concern of what you're going to do about those feelings. In a whole "safe" relationship, a person feeling abandoned (temporarily) can work through the feelings with the other person and the relationship benefits from the experience. In a less safe relationship, the process can inflict permanent wounds.

Taking off for the next county for an hour or two of break time, feeling your own pain and experiencing life without the pitfalls of a host of family and friends gives you room to get a grip on your own feelings. Giving others notice, helps them to understand your purpose and that you'll come back.

The reality is, most of us feel abandoned at one time or another and that feeling is real. If you have family members who have been abandoned, don't perpetuate the issue by continuing to abandon them. Give them notice. "Hey, babe, I'm going to take a cruise. I'll be back."

If you're the one feeling like you've been left behind, don't push the panic button, give the other person time to reappear in your life. Acknowledge that not all exits are permanent and know that you can ave your feelings and still exist without the panic. You have a right and a responsibility to yourself to find a secure place to feel your own emotional highs and lows.

Irritable Personalities and Relationships

Every family has them, those irritable personalities that require extra effort to get along with and maintain relationships. In our family there have been a few. My ex husband's family were filled up with rude obnoxious individuals who lacked the finesse required to be part of a family. For the most part, they were quite comfortable in their own world rejecting any newcomers and alienating family members without reason or cause. I remember thinking it was just his family's way of rejecting me (taking it personally for unknown reasons), but I've since found that it wasn't just his family. There are many families who have members (either in groups or singular) just like them.

I struggled for years to love them anyway, giving long after there was anything to give. Even after my ex left, realizing that he too was unable to be part of family relationships, I continued to find inner peace through loving. Eventually, I realized that I could choose to love them and they still might choose to reject the love.

Not everybody likes building relationships and being part of a family. Some actually prefer their solitude, at least they claim to prefer it. Whether they really don't want family, or just don't have any ability to co-associate and develop relationships, I'm not certain, but they certainly aren't willing to go the distance to be part of a family relationship.

In a recent discussion with my best friend, she revealed sharp comments made by a sister-in-law about her baby. She is a great mom, but the sister-in-law commented on how unkempt her children are. I've never seen her children unkempt. I have seen them happily playing in the sand box outside their home, or dancing in the sprinkler in the back yard during the summer. I reminded my friend that the sister-in-law has no children and no probably chance of ever having them because she's chosen a career choice that affords her no time for family... She's still single with no serious suitors. With the realization that parenting probably isn't part of the sister-in-law's future, my friend took a different tact to dealing with her over the holidays. Instead of being offended by her advice and comments, she responded with a knowing smile, "It's a real blessing to have children who are sometimes allowed to play and have fun without being concerned about fashion strategies."

When my daughter visited her husband's family and came home frustrated with a brother who has no children and lacks tact, we discussed the same issues. He isn't dating, lacks the ability to consider anyone else's perspective because he's all wrapped up in his own issues. His comments are out of lack of knowledge and understanding, and although they may be intended to strike out at her, she doesn't have to take them that way. She could actually consider his lack of personal experience and simply feel sorry for his inept position rather than taking his comments personally.

When we realize that we can perceive others out of our fullness of life, rather than acknowledging their emptiness, our lives and our responses to family relationships and irritable personalities changes. We gain control of the situation and become more than capable of loving the person through their irritable output. Our ability to love may not improve our relationships with those people, but it will allow us to live in peace without feeling rejection by those personalities.