I chose to walk away. And walk away, I did. To another far corner of the state, away from the family I loved, because it was simply easier to forgive them their grudges and move on, without them in my life, than it was to continue fighting the battle of righting continuing wrongs. At first, I thought I could just let it all go, forgive, forget and move past the lies. But their lies grew...
No longer were their lies perpetuated against my mother, who was no longer here. She'd forgiven, let them go and moved on to her Heavenly home, without the stumbling blocks of family members who continued to lie about her.
Now, their lies turned to other members of the family. Brutal untruths, when their own plates were dirty, disgusting and damaged. I had chosen to forgive, pray for them and let go of the anger. I continued to let it go. I continued to walk away.
But... I chose to walk further away. Beyond forgiveness and letting go. I chose to remove myself from their presence, from their lies and from their brutal meanness and untruth.
I refused to stoop to lies or even to defending their lies. I left. Leaving didn't mean I didn't love them, it simply meant that I was no longer tolerant of the ignorant perpetuation of the family grudge. I didn't have to participate, to continue to live with it, I could live without the grudge. I could live a better life without condoning and tolerating the stupidity that continued.
When asked by my best friend why I chose not to respond to their lies against my parents, with truths that I knew... Such as the time her father took a log chain to threaten my grandfather and my mom stepped between them. Or the time her father took money, his wife requested from my grandparents for food and bought drinks for everyone in the bar, bragging that his father-in-law gave him the money, when my father was repairing the refrigeration system behind the bar, listening, knowing full well that when he got home, mom would have loaned my grandparents the money to replace what they loaned to my uncle. Fair? No. But what good would perpetuating the grudge have done? Would there be any benefit?
Is there ever any benefit in perpetuating a grudge?
Is there EVER any benefit in stirring up a problem where truly the problem doesn't exist between the two people having a discussion?
Words once spoken can never be taken back. The problem with exchanging frustrations in a situation where there's no real problem to begin with is that no solution can be found. None. No one forgives. No action can be taken if the problem continues to be exchanged in frustration.
Families are torn apart. Lives are ruined. Entire communities are ripped to shreds over... what? Some grudge that nobody really understands or knows how it started? The world could be a better place. And yet... there's that freedom of speech thingie.
I want to say what I feel, but you can't? How does that work again?
Today, I experienced this in many different ways, mostly as people telling me that my opinion isn't worthy of sharing. I had no right to my opinion, my "facts" because mine were WRONG. No, they were mine.
If I can listen and hear your side of the story, why can't you listen to mine? Really?
It's called civility. It's called freedom of speech. It's called respecting the rights of others to BE HEARD.
If I hear you, you need to take a moment and HEAR me. Really listen and HEAR what I'm saying. Don't get in my face and tell me that I'm an idiot because YOUR view is right and mine is not. I have a right to say what I believe too. And, my beliefs are just as justified and valid as yours.
