As Long As There Are Politicians, Celebrities and Men With Egos

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Over the years, there've been people who attempted to offer their opinions on various states of existence, usually without knowing the whole story behind the situation, because both sides of any story are rarely visible from one perspective. Today this reality was brought to mind once again as I was informed how someone viewed my life.

As a single mother, I've made many choices, ranging from where I chose to live to how I chose to live, and usually not at the suggestions or advice of others, because their advice was based on their view of life, not mine. I had a specific goal in mind, and along the way some choices were taken away from me, others became highly visible and I made choices based on what I wanted from life. The perspectives of others really never meant much to me. And, they still don't. My life is mine, and I'm the one who will be forced to look back before the grave and acknowledge or identify my regrets if any.

So, far, I have only one...

Abuse starts long before the first bruise appears. My lesson for the day. An abusive spouse leaves marks that have nothing to do with visible bruises, and the marks they leave first are the deepest, most entrenching marks that can be left on a woman. Those marks maybe the ones they leave on her children.

As the mother of four, children born into an abusive marriage, I wasn't aware that by remaining in the abusive relationship I was dooming my children to failure. I am now. It wasn't a doom that is forced upon them. It is a kind of doom that they must choose to overcome even moreso than I had to choose, because the abusive father is part of them. He's the other parent. He's the one who left the mark, did the damage, hurt them beyond recognition. But he's not the one who allowed it to happen.

As the mother of those abused children, I must take my own share of responsibility for the way they feel now, about him. About life and how they've succumbed to their own spousal abuse, remaining or leaving, and how those children suffer.

I carry a heavy load.

But more than the load I carry is the load I've left behind at the feet of Jesus, when I asked him to forgive me for not being a better mother. When I asked him to carry the load for me, while I step into the role of Grandmother to my grandchildren, who in some cases are still being hurt by an abusive parent. One I didn't give them, but the one my daughter allowed into her life and shares a child with, who continues to have access to my granddaughter.

I cling to the gift of God's grace, and pray that God has grace sufficient enough to protect these little ones.