Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Dating Game - Prolific Profiles

How do you write prolific profiles for the dating sites? The beginning of the process always starts out so simple, you just reveal a little bit about yourself and then leave it alone for a few days and see what's coming back your way. If you're lucky, you hit on something good the first time, and the first responses are viable. Then again, most often, the first responses are something you'd rather NOT see, and you're picking and choosing through the rubble of information, attempting to fine tune what you wrote to collect a better qualifying person.

Those first postings can often be too passive to grab the attention of the man you really want to attract. But, how do you fine tune who you are?

I'm a strong proponent of being yourself in the presentation. Don't embellish the truth, it's like posting an enhanced photo. Don't do it. Post the real you, and be yourself in all postings. You want someone who will love you where you are, acknowledging that you're a changing being, always evolving to meet the needs of life and family, but still YOU under all the change.

More often than not, there's no way for a possible "friend" to contact you, unless your "friend" picks up on the little hints you leave in your profile. If you're recognizable on the Internet, through google or some other search technique, he may be able to locate you through a profile "brand" or some word combination you leave as a hint, telling him about yourself. Using a personal brand to identify yourself may get you banned from the dating sites, if they catch you at it. Or, it may result in you actually being contacted by your "true love" if he's smart enough to find it.

Are you really interested in finding the right guy to date? When I started looking, the wrong guys kept finding me. They were awful. Always guys I'd never even meet in real life. Then I started meeting a few nicer guys, some who had something in common with me, and a few who actually had the same "likes and dislikes" I did with their own personality and interests. Those guys fascinated me. For a while I was pleasantly surprised by the "anticipation" of having someone new "like" me on the site. Then I realized few of them are members, and none of them are responding in any meaningful way.

This has to go a different direction or I'll never actually meet one of them. So, I changed my profile to include a few phrases where they might find me, if they really looked. Including a few hints as to where they might look. Book reviews, if you post reviews on Amazon, would give your "dating options" a good place to search out your profile and interests. You'd only have to write a book review about the book you say you're reading on the site. Then say you post reviews in your profile. Just don't say where... Most men can find a review on Amazon, or through Google Search Bars.

It's 2010 and the majority of men are computer literate enough to locate essential data via search engine.

My latest review on Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz are up on ACE Writers.

Wanna chat? Email me at jan@janverhoeff

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

If that's the best there is...

Recently, my daughter talked me in to posting a singles ad, because she has had excellent responses to her own ad. I giggled with her as I posted an ad, depicting not only my best qualities, but the real qualities that make me human. We not only had fun posting the ad, but also enjoyed the first few responses.

There was a wanna be immigrant, asking me to bring him to the USA and marry him. So NOT going to happen! Then there was another person from some far away land where English is not his first language, attempting to convince me he was an American working abroad. NOT. Another contact share his desire for an "older more experienced woman" and I noticed he quoted his age as 26. Ahem, my daughter isn't much younger than he is, and I'd never date anyone that young. And then a serious "suitor" happened past, and contacted me.

He drawled on the phone for two hours about how he hails from northern Texas and has a great job working for the state of Texas. I listened intently, way past the point where I realized I wasn't interested, just trying to be polite. When he started regaling me with his life history for the third time, I begged off, explaining that I had another call to make before it was too late. By that time, I'd already shared with him that I was searching for a more traditional relationship.

The next contestant, proclaimed himself to be a wealthy world traveler with multiple continental experiences. His phone conversation lasted all of five minutes. I decided I'd had enough of his boasting and simply hung up the phone. Polite responses had been rejected, so I figured he needed to hear the buzz of a dead line to stop his boasting.

Then the best of all, a cable television installer responded, explaining that he'd been sober for almost three months now and was looking for a good woman who wouldn't drive him back to drinking. (He laughed) I wasn't laughing. I excused myself from the call and got off the phone.

I went back to the site to remove my "ad" and shared with my daughter that if those were the best specimen the world offered, I'd remain single for the balance of my life. The worst part of the whole experience is that I know others who have had excellent responses from the same site. So, I have to take a serious look at what I was looking for and why those losers singled me out... Was it really the lack of good women in my age bracket?

Just wondering, because I know a lot of eligible women who would not be interested in any of those men.

Thanks, but... no thanks!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Expert Status - Gleaming Trophies Await my Stardom

Sean Mize is a friend among many. I've never met the man in person, but I admire him greatly. His climb to the top of the food chain implicates a strength I don't know that he has, and an expertise that I'm fully aware exists. When I asked him for assistance a few days back, on a whim, he responded with gentle reassurance. I know his knowledge is keen on target, and that he's accomplished something I dream one day of accomplishing as well.

Now, may not be that time.

Although I read his book and I'm applying the principles, I know there's a factor that isn't in my court. The desire to succeed is there, but for a reason I'm not certain the world understands. It's more than just success in the moment. For me, at this venture of my life, success that is sustainable and permanent is a requirement. It's a must have. I need the ability to survive no matter what the future holds, because my food chain is diminishing.

Early in life, I was taught the importance of family and friends. They've always been my stronghold, I knew they'd always be available to me, because I was a little squirt, cute as a button and everyone loved me. Then I began the process of growing up. There were relatives in my life who didn't give a horses petute about my life or what happened to me. They had their own worries to contend with, and theirs were always greater than mine. Friends slowly disappeared from view, as they grew older and left us alone without the needed hands to hold, hearts to cling to and shoulders to cry on.

Slowly, one by one the trophies of my life began to fade away. I wondered if I'd succeed at anything. Eventually, I realized that success didn't matter. I hadn't been born for success and stardom, at least not the kind that human minds conformed. I was destined to greater accommodations, my thrills would mold mountains, change worlds and calm seas. How did I know that the human bounds that surrounded my dreams as a child would not confine me as an adult?

the answer was easy...

I knew because I was a child of the King. He gave me greatness, bred it into every nodule of my DNA and carried it throughout his life to keep me safe and secure in the world where I was meant to grow, bear fruit and multiply as the Bible told me to do. I struggled, because I didn't know if I was doing the right thing or if I was going to be okay, through the struggles. But there on the cross, he hung for me, he got down off that tree and arose again, for me.

When I realized that my Savior had suffered the ultimate cost that I might have life everlasting and more abundant than any life I'd ever known, I knew. I knew that I was an expert, born to greatness. My life was a gleaming trophy of stardom awaiting the lights of recognition. In order to collect all that was mine, I merely needed to ask and the Lord would grant it unto me. I needed to seek that which I asked, expecting to find. And more than anything, once he provided for me, I needed to accept it with an open and grateful heart. My trophies are laid up...

Sean Mize is right, I am an expert. I've earned the trophies of greatness and my skills and talents are unnumbered. Thank you Sean, for pointing that out to me this week.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Charger Mom - Football Season

It's that time of year again and football season is in full on attack, one kid is fighting a cold, two more are fighting for the privilege of attending the game and another one just wants to be held. Great Gramma is begging for attention while my daughter and I chase around, wishing we had time to give attention to anything other than everyone else. Life at our house continues, rampant with dogged remarks, rushed moments and harried phrases that need finishing.
Did you ever feel like you were on a treadmill going just a half a mile faster than you could run?

When I realized a few weeks back that I'd be taking care of my mom for a while, I thought it might be nice to incorporate a few special "moments" in that care taking time. It may have been possible for the first few days, but shortly after, those moments became a random thought exclusive of ignorance. As we rushed from Doctor place to Doctor place, I realized the likeness of "special" was missing.

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Charger Mom - Mary Kay




So... lacking the ability to forget about my desire to make this time special, I stopped by my Dad's place and invited him and my nephew and his family to dinner. The world stopped turning for an hours worth of minutes as we attempted to eat at a family favorite diner. My mother's favorite place to go for food, costs an arm, two legs, a kidney and half a lung for a meal, when she eats less than two ounces and can't keep any of it down. But, paying it becomes a privilege, when I realize any monumental bite she takes may be her last.

A trivial moment in time for the average person, but this moment in time is precious, as my mother struggles to eat just one more bite of food. Then it occurred to me, during that meal. No matter how trivial, each moment we spend with mom... now, is special, because it may be the last one we have the privilege of spending with her.

Football season came in with such a rush of "to-dos" that I barely recognized the colors changing on the trees. The season was headlong into full force before I realized that if I leave the windows open, I can hear the boys practicing football on the field just south of the house. I've always loved listening to their "heave" and "lunges" as they cheer the boys of fall in their favorite sport. Football.

Am I a charger-mom? No, I'm not the mother of a prized football player, my boys chose not to play the autumn sport, but rather instead to run the courses in other sports. I am however a mom who charges in where angels fear to tread when the need arises, toting another barge, carrying my light high to light the world, and daring on the last moment to make a difference in the lives of teenagers, young adults and children everywhere. A life well lived is one that moves through each day, dedicated to the decision to live well, under any circumstances and find the happiness that comes with each moment, no matter how difficult the moment maybe.

I'm the mom in the checkout line spending my last dollar on toilet paper, smiling. Because I know that God is aware that's my last dollar, and he'll send me another when I need it. ;)

Friday, August 20, 2010

Daring Karma Follows

On those days when you look around and see chaos in your wake, step back and reflect on the recent past. Have you missed a step?

Today started out much like any other day - a bit disorganized (we're moving), but otherwise well planned and intact. Then the chaos started. Not just a little chaos, but mass chaos with crazy events connecting dots I didn't know existed. Life took turns onto roads that hadn't even been there earlier and I was forced to sit on the side lines and watch as life fell apart before my eyes.

After much wonder, I prayed for rain.

Rain is my "solution". When life is going awry, I ask for rain. It washes away the "karma" and allows peace to fill me up again. The clouds were gathering on the horizon but only a few sprinkles fell. Eventually, a downpour came, washing away the chaos and allowing in the blessings.

By the time we got home the chaos had disappeared and peace filled its place. Life was sane again for a moment. The world took on a soft glow with sparks of lightning and rolls of thunder. I looked around at the love surrounding me and realized that the chaos had been simply a distraction. Life, the one that I'd stepped out of, continued on in step with time, and in God's protection.

My prayer of gratitude was delayed... But now I pray in gratitude for all things wonderful and plenty in my life. May God bless your days, and nights with love.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Interesting Comments...

I stopped by to visit my blog this morning, thinking how interesting it's been that I have had so many comments on my posts. Trouble is, I can't read them and neither can most other bloggers here in the states at least. The comments are written in Japanese or Chinese, not even sure which language, because I can't tell them apart.

Please comment in English, so I can read what you have to say.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Beating Rush Hour Traffic to Home - A Better Commute

Everyone complains about their commute. Even me. I'm tellin' ya, it's really tough rushing around the corners, down the hallway and back to the office before the kids catch me and need something done.

So, exactly what is it about commuting that brings people to their brakes?

It's not the travel, or the traffic, or even the radio guys... Seriously, it's the routine. So change it.

Change it up a bit... If you're driving.

Take a different route home now and then, just to get off the speedway. Don't drive the highway, take a less familiar route and maybe find yourself driving through a neighborhood where you don't know a single person. If you happen to find a park, take a moment and park the car. Take a quick stroll around the park or swing way up high in the sky. You'll enjoy the change and it will make your evening better.

Beat the rush hour traffic home by taking a better commute - one that leads you back to your youth in a way that leaves you feeling fresh.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Passing on the Legacy - Learning to Live with Fame

Standing beside a man whose name is a household word at a funeral may not make you famous, but it gives you a sense of the familiar. Not so long ago, I held the hand of a friend who had dared to redress his popularity and hide among the multitudes in plain sight of the press. We'd attended the funeral of a dear friend, with press cameras popping, microphones stuck in our faces and the daring young journalists attempting to capture the essence of fame in tears.

He stood quietly, ignoring the cameras, ignoring the microphones, and paying no attention to agents of the press who attempted to smother him.

Later in the quiet stillness of a darkening night, I felt his hand on my shoulder and held him in my arms as he cried. No tears had been shed earlier, and I knew --- his silence had been intended for the press. Strength of character dominated his stature in public, but his strength left him unguarded in the quiet hours.

His legacy is passing, but the man stands strong. How could he live with the fame that stole his identity, placed him on a stage through the wee hours of the morning, and left him stressed and overburdened through the rest of the day. He lingered in that safe quiet stillness, hanging on to my shoulder. Sanity, all wrapped up in the significance of silence and tears... We held on to the memory of days and years passed by, when fame didn't shadow his every step and the person who filled his shoes wasn't the most sought after celebrity on the evening news.

The moment passed and he rode away on his great white horse (a stretch limousine with a driver) as I stood waving into the moonlight. A coyote howled in the distance, a bat flew through the moon rays and life continued on, one more moment after another, until the dawn arrived, with fingers of light spilling over the hillside and tear drops dried on my shoulder.

Tonight, with tear filled eyes, I remember... God bless you, my friend.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Charger Mom Takes on the Political Machine

Just what I always wanted to do --- take on the political machine. Not only do I get involved in a campaign, working my buns off to get a candidate elected for U.S. Senate, but I manage to get myself involved in political discussions that go on for days, bickering with liberals who probably don't even vote. The real issue isn't the current administration, it's their guilt over making no choices and taking no stand against the liberal political machine that had determined themselves to be dictators that are taking us down a long road to no freedom, no liberty and no rights.

Is it a waste of my time or is it simply more of a side track to the edge of freedom. I don't want to let go and leave this alone. I don't want a dictator in Washington D.C. A few nights ago, I listened to Mike Huckabee tell his audience if they didn't want to live under current leaders they should run for office themselves. Or take a different tact, support the candidate they can get behind with funding. Either way works. But I don't have a lot of cash to put behind my candidate. So... I've chosen to support him with time and effort.

So, will I run, ever... Maybe. But not this year. This year, I'm satisfied to support a winning candidate and make it happen for him, so we can take back our country. Bring back our freedoms, and live FREE the way we were meant to live with liberties guaranteed by our Constitution.

We are born equal, given the freedom and liberty God created us for and we have the ability to bring back all the power and control to the people. The election in 2010 will make a difference. The people have the ability to bring it back. Because we the people have God. We trust and we believe in God, the father, the foundation of this nation.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Why am I a "Charger" Mom?

This morning, like many mornings, my daughter is reading over my shoulder and asks a question about the language used in my blog post... The big question today, "Why are you a Charger Mom? They are like our biggest rivals and I hate the Chargers."

Ahem, I'm definitely a Denver Bronco's fan too, but the reality is, Charger Mom has nothing to do with the Chargers football team. Oris George, after an extremely hectic meeting and week of writing, saddled me with the nickname "Charger". Well, it stuck. A few weeks later, I was working with another writer to create a blogger site and the easiest way to do that is to create a blog. I have to say, I enjoy my mommy blogs, so Charger Mom came out of that experience.

So if you're searching online for a mom of a member of the Chargers Football team... Um... I'm not it.

Pregnant Sisters - the Joys and the Triumphs


Watching daughters share the joys and triumphs of pregnancy gives new meaning to parenthood. Just this morning we discussed what we call little boys.

My granddaughter is a Princess, Little Missy, Chica (okay, not often), Girly, Sassy, Sissy and Goose. My grandson on the other hand is Mr., Little Man, Big Boy, Mr. Colm (since Colm is his name), and The Mr. --- not to mention, Mr. Moose.

Rarely do we refer to Elizabeth as Miss Elizabeth, although it does happen on occasion. But, Colm often hears his name as Mr. Colm. Is it really a boy/girl thing, or just the process of giving children nick names?

What ever happened to Prince Charming or Handsome Little Prince?

As the days come closer, and we anticipate the arrival of Colm and Elizabeth's little cousin --- whether he's a Mr. or she's a Miss ---- the discussions surrounding babies, pregnant mommies and parenting abound. We all have a new little nickname for the baby, and some of those have been, Little Hummer, "The Basketball", or Baby Bump. No matter what we call the next arrival, you can be assured that this Charger Mom can hardly wait for another grandbaby to set the world on fire.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Abandoned - Feeling as Though You Were Left Behind

Life changes and personal decisions are often made between husbands and wives, sometimes disregarding the other's feelings in the matter. It is unintentional that one leaves the other out, in most cases. As one person does something for themselves, they feel as if they are doing it for both, but rarely is it a case of the second feeling as if the act was for them. More often, the other person feels as if they were left out of the decision if not the action. Life boils down to doing what is necessary for ourselves and sometimes that means abandoning another... Sometimes the abandonment is complete and eternal, other times it's a temporary separation.

If you're the one taking off for wild blue yonder, you may think the other person is being selfish, when in fact, they're missing you.

Feeling abandoned isn't selfish, it's a real, whole feeling that you're allowed to experience and express. Accepting the feelings and moving through them to gain control of a situation helps to gain access to the more pressing concern of what you're going to do about those feelings. In a whole "safe" relationship, a person feeling abandoned (temporarily) can work through the feelings with the other person and the relationship benefits from the experience. In a less safe relationship, the process can inflict permanent wounds.

Taking off for the next county for an hour or two of break time, feeling your own pain and experiencing life without the pitfalls of a host of family and friends gives you room to get a grip on your own feelings. Giving others notice, helps them to understand your purpose and that you'll come back.

The reality is, most of us feel abandoned at one time or another and that feeling is real. If you have family members who have been abandoned, don't perpetuate the issue by continuing to abandon them. Give them notice. "Hey, babe, I'm going to take a cruise. I'll be back."

If you're the one feeling like you've been left behind, don't push the panic button, give the other person time to reappear in your life. Acknowledge that not all exits are permanent and know that you can ave your feelings and still exist without the panic. You have a right and a responsibility to yourself to find a secure place to feel your own emotional highs and lows.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Irritable Personalities and Relationships

Every family has them, those irritable personalities that require extra effort to get along with and maintain relationships. In our family there have been a few. My ex husband's family were filled up with rude obnoxious individuals who lacked the finesse required to be part of a family. For the most part, they were quite comfortable in their own world rejecting any newcomers and alienating family members without reason or cause. I remember thinking it was just his family's way of rejecting me (taking it personally for unknown reasons), but I've since found that it wasn't just his family. There are many families who have members (either in groups or singular) just like them.

I struggled for years to love them anyway, giving long after there was anything to give. Even after my ex left, realizing that he too was unable to be part of family relationships, I continued to find inner peace through loving. Eventually, I realized that I could choose to love them and they still might choose to reject the love.

Not everybody likes building relationships and being part of a family. Some actually prefer their solitude, at least they claim to prefer it. Whether they really don't want family, or just don't have any ability to co-associate and develop relationships, I'm not certain, but they certainly aren't willing to go the distance to be part of a family relationship.

In a recent discussion with my best friend, she revealed sharp comments made by a sister-in-law about her baby. She is a great mom, but the sister-in-law commented on how unkempt her children are. I've never seen her children unkempt. I have seen them happily playing in the sand box outside their home, or dancing in the sprinkler in the back yard during the summer. I reminded my friend that the sister-in-law has no children and no probably chance of ever having them because she's chosen a career choice that affords her no time for family... She's still single with no serious suitors. With the realization that parenting probably isn't part of the sister-in-law's future, my friend took a different tact to dealing with her over the holidays. Instead of being offended by her advice and comments, she responded with a knowing smile, "It's a real blessing to have children who are sometimes allowed to play and have fun without being concerned about fashion strategies."

When my daughter visited her husband's family and came home frustrated with a brother who has no children and lacks tact, we discussed the same issues. He isn't dating, lacks the ability to consider anyone else's perspective because he's all wrapped up in his own issues. His comments are out of lack of knowledge and understanding, and although they may be intended to strike out at her, she doesn't have to take them that way. She could actually consider his lack of personal experience and simply feel sorry for his inept position rather than taking his comments personally.

When we realize that we can perceive others out of our fullness of life, rather than acknowledging their emptiness, our lives and our responses to family relationships and irritable personalities changes. We gain control of the situation and become more than capable of loving the person through their irritable output. Our ability to love may not improve our relationships with those people, but it will allow us to live in peace without feeling rejection by those personalities.

As Long As There Are Politicians, Celebrities and Men With Egos

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt Over the years, there've been people who attempted t...